Y creo que nunca se irá por completo... esta sensación de haber fracasado... esta sensación de no haber sido suficiente... suficiente mujer, suficiente pareja para alguien.
8 años juntos... y aún así, dejaste de quererme... tonta yo que aún te amo. Pero me amo más a mi misma y sé que me haces daño si te mantengo en mi vida porque ya no me amas.
Duele... duele saber que nuestra niña nunca existirá... que fue sólo un sueño.
Duele saber que nunca veré tus canas a mi lado, ni te veré envejecer.
Duelen esos sueños, esos anhelos, que de pronto se esfumaron y sólo quedan los "hubiera".
Duele... pero también se puede vivir con dolor.
sábado, 22 de diciembre de 2018
sábado, 8 de diciembre de 2018
Adios
Es hora de tirar los sueños a la basura, prenderles fuego y esparcir la ceniza para no volverle a ver.
Lo intenté, lo juro que si... pero hay un momento en el que el dolor le gana al amor y uno no puede seguir adelante. Tengo que decirle adiós.
Le llamé para preguntarle algo y me dijo que le daba igual... cuando le pedi que me pagara lo que me debe de dinero me dijo que si, cuando le pedi el divorcio dijo que si y le pedi que se fuera del pais... tambien dijo que si.
No hay vuelta atrás.
Adios.
Lo intenté, lo juro que si... pero hay un momento en el que el dolor le gana al amor y uno no puede seguir adelante. Tengo que decirle adiós.
Le llamé para preguntarle algo y me dijo que le daba igual... cuando le pedi que me pagara lo que me debe de dinero me dijo que si, cuando le pedi el divorcio dijo que si y le pedi que se fuera del pais... tambien dijo que si.
No hay vuelta atrás.
Adios.
sábado, 1 de diciembre de 2018
DUDAS
So... it's been 2.5 months since I asked him to move out... why did I do that? well... summarizing...
Ship life, everything was great, we married, it all seemed perfect, moving to Mexico... first big mistake (he arrived depressed 1st year was tough) he then found the motivation, found a job and... second and biggest mistake... he cheated, he cheated big time, like he actually had a relationship with someone else... not just "I got drunk and had sex with a stranger" cheating style... but "I've chosen names for our future babies" kind of cheating. then... I was depressed or better said, I've been depressed, still am. He got tired of "trying" which I didn't even notice and suddenly, I was living with a stranger that avoided me and tried his very best to stay away from me... so I eventually got tired of that and asked him to leave the house... he promised he'd try his very best to get me back... but he hasn't done much. He has helped me out a couple of times when it comes to stuff from the car, but... is like having a mechanic that I can trust to take my car for days and bring it fixed...that's about it... and that's where we are at.
What is going to happen? I honestly have no idea... I wish for things to go back to how they were on ships, but I know that will not happen... I wish for him to put some effort and prove he loves me... but deep down, I'm pretty sure he doesn't love me anymore, and that is what hurts the most... knowing that the man that chose me to be with him for the rest of his life changed his mind and doesn't even want me around anymore... that all the love he had for me ran out and I don't deserve to be loved, or that it is not worth it to love me...
Yup... I'm depressed
Ship life, everything was great, we married, it all seemed perfect, moving to Mexico... first big mistake (he arrived depressed 1st year was tough) he then found the motivation, found a job and... second and biggest mistake... he cheated, he cheated big time, like he actually had a relationship with someone else... not just "I got drunk and had sex with a stranger" cheating style... but "I've chosen names for our future babies" kind of cheating. then... I was depressed or better said, I've been depressed, still am. He got tired of "trying" which I didn't even notice and suddenly, I was living with a stranger that avoided me and tried his very best to stay away from me... so I eventually got tired of that and asked him to leave the house... he promised he'd try his very best to get me back... but he hasn't done much. He has helped me out a couple of times when it comes to stuff from the car, but... is like having a mechanic that I can trust to take my car for days and bring it fixed...that's about it... and that's where we are at.
What is going to happen? I honestly have no idea... I wish for things to go back to how they were on ships, but I know that will not happen... I wish for him to put some effort and prove he loves me... but deep down, I'm pretty sure he doesn't love me anymore, and that is what hurts the most... knowing that the man that chose me to be with him for the rest of his life changed his mind and doesn't even want me around anymore... that all the love he had for me ran out and I don't deserve to be loved, or that it is not worth it to love me...
Yup... I'm depressed
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